“an urban toreador, she had wheels on her feet”

Skateaway by Dire Straits

Defining features, we all have ’em. Whether it’s Mother Theresa with her inspiring generosity of spirit and trademark tea-towel-on-head, or Buddy Holly with his pioneering rock n roll sound and purely decorative glasses, or me with my giant lizard tail and fantastical lies, we can’t help but cultivate identifiers for ourselves- either subconsciously or consciously (here’s looking at you, Lady Gaga).

Nice’s main identifier is probably the Promenade des Anglais and is very much a consciously cultivated one. It’s a long walkway which runs along the sea front and was first constructed in the late 18th century, when some wealthy Englishmen decided that the city’s homeless population were having too much FUN lying around in the sun all day, scavenging for food etc., and so set them to work building a glorified pavement. This initiative would later be adopted by the Conservatives as the basis for Workfare policies. *SATIRE*.

Today the Promenade is Nice’s Palm Tree-ed Playground for Persons of All Ages!™ With people whizzing by and hanging out, it looks like a cross between a Jack Vettriano painting and that chapter from Encore Tricolore about French youths and their hobbies. You know the one! So far I’ve seen people on roller blades, skateboards, long boards, those colourful short boards that look way too small to stand on let alone balance or steer, bicycles, scooters, Vespas, and my personal favourite- a unicycle. Complete with stabilisers. So that’s how they learn…

This song is dedicated to all the innovative methods of transport listed above, and the many many others I’m sure I am yet to encounter. There’s something about the guitar reverb and Mark Knopfler’s voice- half speaking/ half… nope, pretty much just speaking- that for me evokes the laid-back vibe of the Cote d’Azur. Does it really matter if you’re a lead singer who never actually sings? So what if you’re a middle-aged man wearing matching neon knee and elbow pads? Who cares if you’re “stealing down a wrong way street” on roller blades with your headphones on full blast? Not muses for Dire Straits songs or the woman heading straight for me, that’s for sure.